Wednesday, February 3

Baby thoughts

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh

When she lived with me two summers ago, Audrey and I used to have a fairly regular conversation about babies. Babies are great. Babies are expensive. Babies need stability. A lot of the time I was trying to make Audrey realize that having a baby, just to have a baby, would be an incredibly difficult thing for a girl in her position to do. But, we still had fun talking about what it would be like when we finally did have children.

Don't worry Mom(s), this isn't a blog post about me being pregnant.

I have, however, for sometime now, been very aware of my want for a child. Growing up in a small town, it seems like life's next step out of high school is to have kids. Facebook has shown me how true that is for so many of the girls I graduated with. Multiple times. My own plan, back when I made it at 12 years-old, had me being a mom "no later than 23, cause, c'mon, I want to be able to do stuff with them." Back then, being 27 without kids was like being an old maid.

But here I am, 27, without kid(s), and I am happy. It is refreshing to hear of so many couples that waited until a bit later to start having children. Jeremiah and Jessie have shared stories about their professors, Steve and April didn't start until April was 36, and Dan's parents were not in their 20's. It's an odd feeling to recognize my mind reshaping my view on motherhood. To outfit my mental image of my coffeeshop with a napping corner and small table. Taking orders and chatting up the regulars with my baby wrapped on my body.

I don't usually read baby blogs, but sometimes stories are linked to on some of the craft sites I visit. I read a story today about a baby being born, and my heart strings got yanked. If you dare, you can read it here. I never knew what people meant when they said your body will tell you when it's ready. Well, my body is ready but I am not. I'm not ready to have a baby (I still feel like I can't take care of myself), but I will be. Whenever it happens. And when it happens, it will be worth the wait.

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